By Vince Sullivan
Published on January 8 , 2008
On the Opinion Page in The Corsair (December 9), it was expressed that living together before marriage was a good idea, and research validates that most young people agree with this idea. However, research also demonstrates that it is a bad idea, especially for women, to live with someone before marriage. There are three conclusions from the national study “Should We Live Together,” conducted by Rutgers University.
1. Living together before marriage increases the risk of breaking up after marriage.
2. Living together outside of marriage increases the risk of domestic violence for women, and the risk of physical and sexual abuse for children.
3. Unmarried couples have lower levels of happiness and wellbeing than married couples.
Since cohabitation is here to stay, Rutgers gives the following advice:
1. Consider not living together at all before marriage. Cohabitation is probably least harmful when it is prenuptial – when both partners are definitely planning to marry, have formally announced their engagement and have picked a wedding date.
2. Do not make a habit of cohabiting. Be aware of the dangers of multiple living together experiences, both for your own sense of wellbeing and for your chances of establishing a strong lifelong partnership.
3. Limit cohabitation to the shortest possible period of time. The longer you live together with a partner, the more likely it is that the low-commitment ethic of cohabitation will take hold, the opposite of what is required for a successful marriage.
4. Do not cohabit if children are involved. Children need and should have parents who are committed to staying together over the long term.
Popenoe, D. & and Whitehead, B. (2002). Should We Live Together? What Young Adults Need to Know about Cohabitation before Marriage, A Comprehensive Review of Recent Research. Retrieved January 7, 2008, from https://marriage.rutgers.edu/Publications/SWLT2%20TEXT.htm