Published: February 22, 2006
Hello again folks!
Before I get to the questions I have a few things I would like to say. Because I am not actually allowed in the Corsair office unescorted (due to an incident involving feathers and jumper cables) I email in my column. I do not see most of my fellow Corsair writers often so here we go with the cheap shots.
Lily,
I miss you! I cannot wait to see you at the next meeting of CWI. (Columnists With Issues.) Now, my beautiful darling, I must address something with you. I saw your public spectacle. DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) is also known as “Dance Drunken Retard.” Please remember this the next time you expose your ugly hobbies. By the way, I know about you and this “World of Warcraft” thing. We will address this issue in private. Yes, in private, unlike your display of “dancing.”
Corey,
Our Lady Pirates lost a game. While I think this is very sad, I do not think that the way to announce such an event is to headline “Lady Pirates get Pounded.” What kind of readership are we looking for dear Corey? What kind of readers are you looking for with headlines like “PJC men go down”? I must admit that it caught my eye, but both articles were a bit of a letdown after those headlines.
Moria,
I would love to talk about your articles, however, you are the one who edits my column so I will just save you some work and state that you are breathtakingly beautiful and shockingly brilliant. You are all that I could ever aspire to be.
Now that I have that out of my system…
Dear Joi
I decided to get a jump on the beach season and buy my bathing suit early. I found a cute little pink bikini that I really like in my size. When I put it on the top was too small and the bottom was too big. I thought this must be a manufacturer mistake and tried on 3 others. All the same. Am I a mutant?
Dear Pink,
Yes. No. It’s all government plot meant to make women buy lowfat yogurt and join the army.
You are a woman. A HUMAN woman. You are not supposed to be shaped exactly like anyone else. Buy two bathing suits and give one to a friend with a fat ass.
Adam, stop sending me letters or I will start answering them.
Send your question(s) to Joi at simetra23@gmail.com.