Toady Worm
Published March 24 2004
Toady, I am a lesbian and my girlfriend wants to elope to San Francisco, Calif. to get married. I don?t want to get married yet. I am only 22. How do I let her down easy?</b>
You can do what I always do when women try to tie me down. Wait, I like it when women tie me down.
Wax serious (whether you are or not) and tell her that marriage is a binding contract and should not be taken lightly. Tell her that you love her enough to use the ?wait and see? approach. Britney Spears, case in point, ran off to Las Vegas for a shotgun wedding, and now she is an old maid.
The previous paragraph is complete and utter nonsense but could possibly get you out of hot water.
<b>My ex-girlfriend is so upset that I broke up with her that she sent me an e-mail stating in the subject line, ?You have an STD.? When I read the e-mail, it said that she had tested positive for gonorrhea and that I was the one who gave it to her. Toady, she was my first girlfriend and I know there was no way I could have given her that. When I went to the doctor, I tested negative for everything. I have since found out that she sent me the e-mail as a lover scorned. What revenge should I take?</b>
Although I have never had a scorned lover and have never dealt with this, I was infected with gonorrhea once when I was in my twenties. I was in Orlando on pleasure and it turned to business real quick. Venereal diseases are no laughing matter. People have killed for less, but look at the bright side: you?re negative
Go celebrate and let this experience be a lesson that you can learn from.
<b>I really like my boyfriend Daniel. However, my friends all think that he?s a chauvinist. He?s a would be ?writer? who can?t seem to decide if he?s living in 1860 or 1940 and is more interested in exploring the plight of old, laid off black oyster pirates than say, treating my girlfriends and I to a trip to the mall or the Rave.
Until now, I?ve just ignored my friends, because I really liked the guy. But now, my girlfriends have also told me that he?s seeing other girls? Help Toady, I feel like I?m stuck between a Fitzgerald novel and the ninth grade.</b>
I noticed in your question that you included your girlfriends as part of the package. Is he crazy? I have never turned down a date with anyone, much less several college girls.
Sounds like he can?t decide whether he wants to be a writer, a high schooler, a pirate, or a time traveler.
Give him his walking papers. Why is he trying to hunt down oyster pirates when he already has a pearl?