Moria Daily
Published: March 30 2005
The Robinson Scholars Reading Room, commonly known as “the Honors Room,” is now the meeting place for The Zeemhoneats, a fascist underground organization that is rumored to be planning an overthrow at PJC.
The organization’s notorious leader, Byron von Tripp, stated that the group is interested in helping PJC become the “premier fascist college in the state.”
Tripp was extremely vague about how this would be accomplished, but stated that he would respond with violence if violence was used against him. He declined to comment on the allegations that the organization is planning a takeover.
Tripp, who attends all meetings in a full military dress uniform, bears the title of supreme dictator. His right hand man is honors student and history major Charles Allen, who serves as minister of defense.
In an interview, Allen said he became a fascist after seeing Brad Pitt in “Thelma and Louise”.
“Something about him in a cowboy hat around two dried up old hags made me a fascist,” Allen said.
Allen said that he and Tripp met when Allen became involved in a romantic relationship with Tripp’s sister. As to how he got the position he currently has, Allen said it took “a lot of brown nosing and whacking people.”
Tripp’s cabinet also includes Karaski and the mysterious honors student Erika Wilhite, who bears the ambiguous title of “The Mistress.” It has long been rumored that The Mistress was Tripp’s leading assassin, and an anonymous member of the organization confirmed the rumor.
“The Mistress – she really holds the reins of the organization. Dictator Tripp gives her a lot of respect. She’s his top assassin; she gets all the good kills,” the anonymous member revealed. The source declined to comment on whether any PJC students of faculty members had fallen victim to The Mistress.
Minister of Propaganda Anna Karaski said that there has been an initial uprising from the Honors Room students but that it had been repressed. She refused to elaborate, saying only that it had been “dealt with.”
Former patrons of the previously liberal and cosmopolitan Honors Room mysteriously disappeared some time before the meetings began.
The organization was founded two years ago by Tripp and several other students who were dissatisfied with PJC’s current regime and the current class structure.
“The organization was started by several disorganized, disillusioned students who had failed out of certain irrelevant required classes,” Tripp said.
Tripp intends to completely revamp PJC’s class structure, as well as the curriculum. Tripp refused to give any detail as to how he planned to change everything, saying only that he intended to make PJC more “authoritarian friendly” and also increase the discipline among its students.
“This campus is one of the most liberal campuses around. That’s just not conducive to learning, or to anything else. How are these students going to become productive members of society if they’re just coddled here at PJC? Under me and my regime, things will change,” Tripp said.
Tripp encourages any students interested in getting any more information on his organization or joining to attend any meeting. Meetings are held in the Robinson Scholar’s Reading Room every Wednesday. Fascist activities are also held there regularly.