Lily the Insomniac

Home Archived Opinion Lily the Insomniac

Published: February 8, 2006

Yeah, so, I have gotten into techno lately.  Most of it is from that game, Dance Dance Revolution (and don’t try to tell me that you’ve never played it!  (IF YOU WERE EVER DRUNK AT SOME POINT IN YOUR LIFE, YOU HAVE PLAYED IT). 

I went out and danced in the bed of a red Ford pickup with a techno cover of Alice Cooper’s “Poison” blaring so loud it would kill you.  I bet you saw me.  If you were forty feet away from building 4, you saw me.  Oh, and damn you for seeing me.  I’m supposed to be a frickin’ secret.

It is really so fun.  The only part that is not fun is when Husband comes home and demands to play guitar to some stupid crap. 

OH BUT LILY, I WANT TO HEAR GUNS ‘N’ ROSES, I REALLY HATE THIS TECHNO STUFF!  And then I tell him SHUT UP HUSBAND, THIS IS CLEARLY THE BEST! 

And then I start jumping around and waving my arms and he can’t do a thing about it except go buy me a house!

See, after we get the house, we are going to have what I call a TECHNO ROOM.  And the rule is you aren’t allowed in unless you have liquor and can dance really badly.  I mean, I bet the people that lived there before us had a techno room, so I am going to carry on the FAMILY TRADITION.  It will be passed down to my child, and his children, and his children’s children.  They will all have techno rooms in their houses, and in case they live in an apartment, they can have a TECHNO KITCHEN!  I mean, that’s where mine is, for the time being.

Oh, cooking chicken?  Making a salad?  TECHNO.  It is always time for techno.  You can techno while brushing your teeth, you can techno at night, and most importantly, techno right in front of the television and techno while MAKING OUT.  That is the tricky part, though!  Have you ever tried making out to techno?  Man, you have gotta stop intermittently and start waving glowsticks around or something. 

Since I don’t have glowsticks I wave forks, and that’s sort of dangerous.

There is this huge glass mirror right in my living room that takes up an entire wall.  That’s way cool in itself, but then add some techno to the mix, and you are SET.  I have never seen myself look so ridiculous; sometimes I have to stop ‘dancing’ and fall on the couch to laugh my ass off.  One thing I will never, ever do is invite anybody that thinks I’m awesome (it’s cool, dudes, no one does) to come over and techno-it-up with me.  You will probably run right home and write about it in your damn Livejournal or something.  OH MY GOD, I SAW LILY DANCING TO TECHNO AND NOW I’M BLIND.  I HATE THAT BITCH.  BY THE WAY I AM EMO.

I have discussed this with Husband so many times he starts to cry whenever he sees me.

DID YOU DRAW UP THE PLANS FOR THAT TECHNO ROOM YET?

PLEASE LEAVE ME ALO—-

NO I NEED THEM.  THIS IS LIFE OR DEATH, EXCEPT IT’S TECHNO!!

JUST LET ME HAVE A COUPLE MINU—

NO!!  I CAN’T DO ANYTHING AND YOU CAN, SO BUILD THE ROOM!

So, do you like techno?  It is perfectly awesome if you don’t, but I would recommend getting a COUNTRY MUSIC ROOM or maybe a RAP ROOM.  Any room will do, it really will.  Just lug your stereo system in there and make sure it’s LOUD as all hell. 

If your neighbors come beating on your door, just do what I do: HEY I’M IN THE MOOD TO PUNCH SOMETHING, AND YOU ARE THAT SOMETHING!  It’ll shut them right up.

What are you waiting for?  GO BUILD THAT ROOM!

(HELLO, JOI, GLAD YOU’RE BACK.)

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