By Arren Joseph-White

Dear readers, our newspaper has been faced with a dilemma. We have been dealing with something…spirited. Not in emotion, but in hauntings. Ghostly whispers in the editing room, cold chills down the backs of the writers, and sensations of feeling watched during meetings. Since October started, this phenomenon has only gotten worse. Collectively, we have all agreed there is only one explanation; there must be ghosts haunting the Corsair. 

Instances have only become more absurd (and annoying) as we draw closer to Halloween. We have all had our own predicaments. One writer claims their article finished itself entirely in Latin. Another recalled blacking out and waking up to an obituary of an old journalist where a sports piece should be. At this point, we’ve tried all we can think of; sage, salt circles, the whole lot. But as the month has dragged on, these ghosts don’t hold back. 

Frankly, we’ve all gotten used to them, mutually agreeing to leave them be. Our biggest fears are no longer deadlines, it’s displeasing our new friends. Editing isn’t as much of a hassle as long as they stay happy. As we’ve mingled with them, they do things like whisper corrections in our ears or even as far as knocking things over if they disagree with something said. Sure, it’s unsettling having chills and spectral whispers plague us, but the clarity is refreshing and the spooky footnotes are helpful. So, readers, meet (and thank) our dearly departed editorial staff. They keep the stress off the writers. The only thing to do now is make sure they stay pleased. I don’t think anyone wants to see our copy editor floating in mid-air and chanting again.