Published: March 29, 2006
From 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. on March 11, the Surfers for the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (SCFSM) will host a concert, raffle and free Subway lunch in the pavilion at PJC’s Pensacola campus.
Jasmine Flannery, the president of Pensacola Beach’s SCFSM chapter, said that she organized the event following a similar one hosted by the Christian Surfers just a few weeks ago.
“Our mission is to convert young surfers, to help them put their faith in Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster,” Flannery said. “Surfing isn’t just about God anymore.”
The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is relatively young compared to other major world religions; it surfaced just last year when prophet and concerned citizen Bobby Henderson wrote a letter to the Kansas School Board protesting the addition of the Intelligent Design theory to school curriculums. While Henderson acknowledged that children should be taught multiple viewpoints, he explained that he (and the Pastafarians, a reported 10 million “secretive” followers) believes that the universe was created by the Flying Spaghetti Monster, and advocated the inclusion of the FSM theory.
“The Flying Spaghetti Monster is a beautiful entity, a being with tender meatball eyes and many graceful Noodly Appendages,” Dr. Lemuel Nonesuch of the Pastafarian Divinity School in Little Rock, Arkansas said.
The FSM Gospel spread like wildfire, galvanizing formerly Christian-dominated religious surfing communities across the world. The first SCFSM chapter was started in Los Angeles in August of 2005. Its mission statement urged surfers to dedicate their lives to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, to serve Him and praise His Noodliness through alternative and contemporary surf ministry.
The rapid conversion of so many surfers to the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has puzzled many, but Nonesuch believes that he understands the FSM’s appeal to the surfing community.
“Surfers surf in the water,” Nonesuch said. “And pirates sail on ships, which float in the water – are you following me? As all Pastafarians know, the Flying Spaghetti Monster’s chosen regalia is pirate garb. Why? Because pirates are holy. Did you know that global warming is directly correlated with the decrease in pirates since the 19th Century? Now doesn’t it make sense that surfers, who have a natural, innate bond with pirates, would be especially sensitive to the Pastafarian message?”
Because Pensacola natives are familiar and comfortable with both surfing and pirates, Flannery believes that the FSM Gospels will be warmly met at PJC, and that the event could lead to a mass conversion. However, that is exactly what local Christians (surfers and non-surfers alike) are worried about.
“This is preposterous,” Halley Godley of the Pensacola Christian Surfers said, referring to the SCFSM event. “Everyone knows that surfing is a Christian sport. Jesus surfs. I don’t even think that weird spaghetti thing CAN surf – have you ever seen noodles surf? No? I didn’t think so.”
Jeebus “Jeb” McCrist, a Milton resident who can often be found talking to people in cars at the corner of Davis Highway and Creighton, agrees.
“I don’t surf, myself,” McCrist said, “Surfing is an evil, carnal, impure activity, and those who practice it will surely burn in hell along with these blasphemous pasta people. But if I did surf, of course I’d surf for Christ.”