Brandi Snodgrass and Moria Dailey
Published: March 29, 2006
Ever wonder why this campus is so quiet? Nothing exciting really happens at PJC; it’s just a typical junior college. Or is it?
This campus has an eerie past filled with accounts of everything from early alien landings to rogue Israeli pirates. I know you’re asking, “How is that possible?” Well, naive classmates, open your eyes, ears, and noses for the SIGNS.
FIRST SIGN: Alien Landings
Ever taken a stroll past the Visual Arts Department (a.k.a. alien central) and seen the oddly shaped buildings that seem to heed the call of the moon at night? Or perhaps you’ve noticed the strange and sometimes suggestive sculptures that inhabit the areas outside and within the courtyard of the arts building. That’s because these sculptures, as well as the architecture of the building, were left by our alien friends.
The building, as well as the sculptures, was left behind in order to gain the worship of PJC’s student body. Art students are forced to worship the sculptures at regular intervals; the drawing instructors, who really are aliens planted on campus, make their classes go outside in the dark in order to “draw” the sculptures or building. In reality, these poor students are being used as pawns in an intergalactic war for intelligence.
“I don’t know what it is,” Maggie McKey, a painting major, said, “but every time I go out there, I lose three hours of time. I find myself kneeling in front of the statues chanting in a weird language. And my teacher – she is always forgetting to breathe. I don’t think it’s normal.”SECOND SIGN: Maze used to study students
The Cosmetology building houses a maze used to study students as they try to work their way through the steep stairwells and winding hallways. Funded by the science department, students are studied for their ability to master the maze.
Once students have made it to their destination, they are so bewildered that they are easily persuaded into being pampered. Though it has not yet been proven, many believe that the chemicals used in the dying department, especially all colors related to blonde, contain chemicals used to dumb students down.
A Corsair reporter, disguised as a chemistry student, stationed herself in a chemistry class and returned with shocking results. The professor, clad in white lab coat and goggles, began to discuss plans to add a wheel, much like those found in hamster cages, to the building, but noticed the reporter, who was summarily kicked out. She disappeared several days after the assignment; foul play is suspected.THIRD SIGN: Portal to another dimension
After leaving the cosmetology building, be wary of the clock tower; many don’t know it is a door to an alternate dimension.
This alternate dimension looks just like this dimension’s PJC; however, insane rogue pirates roam the campus on the other side. They were the founders of this campus back when Florida was first being settled, and they are now stuck inside this portal and are aching to get out. Watch out or they’ll make you walk the plank, because you, unlike them, still have time to turn back.
Before you make your escape, look where the statue of the bell usually is and you will see a large pirate boat. This boat is what these pirates landed ashore in. The water used to be much higher in these parts, so now the boat is dry docked.
The previously mentioned Corsair reporter was seen near the clock tower prior to her disappearance; she was said to be wandering around slightly disorientated after stumbling out of the cosmetology building.